SELLER: Jill Marie Jones
LOCATION: Royal Woods Drive, Sherman Oaks, CA
SIZE: 2,261 square feet, bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Classic turn-key Royal Woods 1-try traditional w/discreet privacy on corner lot. 3 bd, including an extremely spacious master ste w/sitting area and fireplace, 2.5 ba, beamed ceiling living rm, large dining rm, hardwd flrs, updated kit, recessed lighting, plantation shutters & wired for security cameras. Public rms & master bedrm all play to the private garden/pool area w/built-in BBQ & expansive flagstone patio/garden area.
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Now that Miz Jill Marie Jones has purchased Jason Priestley's Hollywood Hills house in Outpost Estates, she has put her Sherman Oaks house on the market. The former Dallas Cowboy cheerleader hit it big in Hollywood in 2000 when she landed the role of Toni Childs opposite Golden Brooks and Diana Ross's supreme scion Tracee Ellis Ross on the CW program Girlfriends.
A few years later, perhaps feeling confident in her new found sit-com salary, she purchased this Sherman Oaks home in October of 2003 for $1,110,000. Now do the mathematics children. If she paid $1.1 million in 2003 and the property is currently priced at $1.199 million, that's an astoundingly low 9.2 percent overall gain in a marketplace that regularly sky rocketed upwards of 15 percent per year in the early 2000s.
This means that after girlfriend pays the real estate fees and transaction charges, she may actually LOSE money on the property. Which is pretty damn tough to do in Los Angeles as the market has sizzled and scorched the last five or six years creating exorbitant and mind numbing profits for even the most dim witted of home sellers.
Now, don't none of you fruitcakes twist our words. We are not saying Miz Jones is dim witted. We're saying we don't know if Miz Jones over paid for this house in 2003, or if she's priced the place for a quick sale since she's already purchased her next residence.
There are a few issues with this house that Your Mama needs to discuss, the first being location, location, location. Although we'd sooner live in Cincinnati it's not the Sherman Oaks zip code that creates the locationality problem. It's the infuriatingly busy, slow moving, and loud San Diego Freeway which practically runs through the back yard of this house. Your Mama has never been to this house, so we can not say for sure, but we imagine the morning and evening rush hour traffic jams make using the back yard swimming pool and bbq center all but impossible without ear plugs and raised voices.
Your Mama is not impressed by nor do we care for a huge master bedroom, and Miz Jones' bedroom sits right on the cusp of too big in our book. But that's not the real issue with this room. It's that cock-eyed furniture placement that makes us feel boozed up and befuddled. Unfortunately it is not uncommon to see beds pushed up into the corners of rooms like this. But Your Mama has never understood what possesses someone to make that choice. Does it make the room look larger? No. Does it make the room more "interesting?" No, it does not. It just makes the room look catty-wompus and off-kilter. Not to mention all the wasted space behind the headboard that leaves us feeling uneasy and unable to sleep comfortably.
We also note that Miz Jones does not seem to care for rugs. We can't imagine why not. Her quasi-romantic, sorta shabby chic, and not very well decorated rooms would benefit greatly from some nice Persian rugs to ground the rooms and provide some necessary warmth.
We recognize and sincerely hope that Miz Jones' and her real estate people may have removed some of her personal items and decor in order to "stage" the house and make it look generic enough for buyers to see themselves living up in the house. Because honestly, we're having a difficult time coming up with a few things we actually like about this house. We do not want to appear to be a hater just for the sake of being a hater 'cause got nothing against Miz Jones. But seriously, girlfriend needs some decorating assistance and Your Mama hopes she hires herself a nice gay decorator to help her pull her new Hollywood Hills house together.