Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Why Does It Not Surprise Your Mama...

...that down on her professional luck actress Lindsay Lohan lives in a (leased) house in Venice, CA where the walls are hung with gigantic images of herself? It just makes sense in a Hollywood sort of way.

Miss Lohan, bless her heart, was once the young toast of Tinsetown with a growing fortune and a promising future in the film industry. Today she's a bit of a showbiz hot potato and her earning power has most certainly plummeted. She is not, rest assured, without an income. Recent reports indicate that Miss Lohan is currently spending her 120 days of court-ordered house arrest in said rented residence tweeting advertisements–for which she gets paid thanks to her 2,103,000-plus followers–and shilling for a low-brow penny auction website. This story just aches with schadenfreude, don't it?

When Miss Lohan (allegedly) snatched a necklace from a local jewelry store last year it was a violation of probation that stems from a 2007 drunk driving incident. We're certain Miss Lohan and her coterie of latch-ons say the whole thing, this necklace pilfering thing, was a terrible misunderstanding for which Little Miss Innocent is now paying the price.

We don't know what Miss Lohan pays each month for her rented contemporary crib, but Your Mama managed to turn up listing information from the time she leased the property that shows it was priced at $7,100 per month. The house, located just a few blocks from the beach that she can't currently go to without permission from the court, stands 3 stories tall, measures around 3,100 square feet and has 4 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms, and 2 fireplaces and one roof terrace.

The clean-lined townhouse-like house, which happens to sit right next door the house that Miss Lohan's former lesbian lover Samantha Ronson rents–or rented–has concrete and hardwood floors, vertical expanses of glass in the two-story living room, a floating staircase, a mezzanine that looks over the living room, several balconies, mahogany cabinetry and Carrara marble counter tops.

Miss Lohan told Life & Style magazine recently that besides tweeting and shilling she's spent her house arrest catching up on movies and tee-vee shows and decorating her temporary abode, apparently with multiple images of her own mug. She said she was sad to have missed her brother's birthday party but Your Mama wonders why her family didn't just bring the birthday party to her? Actually, we don't really care why. Nevermind.

8 comments:

chris said...

Ms. Lohan's narcissism brings to mind the story Gielgud used to tell about Marlene Dietrich in her retirement. He said she had tapes made of any number of her performances with everything erased save the applause.

Anonymous said...

Interesting article you linked to mama - and the new vocabulary word: "ONANIST". Kind of a classy way to describe the self-absorbed stuck up egomaniacs referred to.

While we all have the thesaurus out we should find a better word than DECORATING to describe Lindsay's crap.

Anonymous said...

Apparently there are reports that her SCRAM bracelet has been beeping multiple times since her "arrest". If that is true then she must surely be suffering from a severe case of self loathing and a penchant for self destruction.

midTN said...

Poor Lindsay...

...she is now just a cartoon drawing on a wall.
***

Steve Mawson said...

"Miss Lohan, bless her heart". On that matter I'm sorry Mama but I can't agree. How many chances does one have to give a permanent loser? Lohan like that other pathetic bag of bones intent on self-destruction, Amy pathetic Winehouse, are sad, boring and miserable pieces of human waste occupying useful space otherwise available for useful people. The sooner someone dumps both of them in a bin bag, and drop kicks that into the ocean to join Osama bin Laden, the better. In my humble opinion of course.

Trixie von Trott said...

Only a one-woman-freakshow would want to be imprisoned surrounded by life size pictures of themselves.

This girl has some serious psychological issues. I'm not an advocate of electro shock therapy but in this case I'd give it a whirl.

Anonymous said...

The young woman is just plain dumb, and she doesn't have a soul who can help her she is so far gone. She just loves attention and drama of any kind the more the better, and if she lives to see thirty it will be a near miracle.

Anonymous said...

The difference between Lindsay Lohan & Brittany Spears? One functioning parent.

Actually I feel sorry for both of them. They've had their girlhood traded for shiny trash, and there's no going back.